Time to Love Ourselves--Be Selfish

So I was glad to see that my co-writer is back on at work and can blog her little heart away. Yes this blog is mostly about books...well being as we don't have many readers yet (if any), it's actually more about day to day life and the books that get us through!
As we see she just never stops. She makes me dizzy just to read about what she does.
Now this particular blog was a little different but I've edited. No need to really go into detail except to say that I hurt someones' feelings which is not what I meant to do.

So I don't even remember what got me to ramble on about this particular topic but I was thinking about growing up and the things our parents/caretakers do for us--out of love of course--but that end up doing more harm than good. Maybe it's the fact that my beautiful goddaughter has gotten into a little itty bit of legal trouble. It's really not that bad but it's a lesson she needs to learn. And I hope we let her learn it.
Growing up, I was the good sheep. I was the honor roll student, the volunteer, the worker. My cousins were the bad apples. They were the drop-outs, the druggies, the no good lazy bums. I realized once that the bad apples seem to have it easier than me and I though this was very unfair. Family and friends always asked if they were OK or needed anything. They always got a few extra bucks thrown at them so they wouldn't go hungry at school because the school cafeteria was apparently not good to their delicate stomachs. They always got calls just to make sure they were fine and not a call asking for a favor. Oh and they always got the best Christmas presents!!
Supposedly, it was some sort of reward in hopes that they would change their behavior. It never worked. I don't blame them. I mean why change if you seem to be getting everything you want and more by misbehaving and continuing your irresponsible behavior. I wouldn't change if I was getting the royal treatment!
One day I realized that it was much better to be the bad apple and the lazy bum. Nobody expected anything from you. I wanted the royal treatment too so I got myself into some legal trouble as a teen. And I expected that my family would want to gather around me and ask if there was anything they could do to make me happy. Maybe they'd take me out for ice cream and a new outfit. Or even a book (what can I say I was a bookworm back then!) I expected something nice!! I mean I got handcuffed!! (and not for any good reason as later discovered in my young adulthood--LOL)
Well wouldn't you know that even the bad apples were disappointed in me?? That is one lesson I will never forget. It seems you ave to be a bad apple all along to always have someone there ready to take you to the ends of the world; To always get taken care of and if one day you manage to actually wash the dishes or remember to get your own milk before all the nearby stores close or just do something for yourself without asking anyone to do it for you--there will be applause, a party, a cause for celebration.
But funny how nobody goes out of their way to help the person who does it all. I think they must think we don't need any help. We must have them really fooled into thinking that grown up responsible behavior is easy but since it comes so naturally to us, we don't even see it.
So now we are all adults. And nothing has changed. I personally am getting really sick of it. I'm tired of people portraying uselessness just to get the better of other people. I'm tired of healthy able bodied people constantly sitting back. People need to get their act together.
It's time we all learned the difference between CAN'T & WON'T and NEED & WANT.
Eventually the good apple goes rotten. After a while, we start resenting people for running us ragged. We get really crazy and respond in a very mean manner and the bad apple will look at you with that "deer caught in the headlight" look because you've accustomed them to taking care of things for them. They have no idea that they are doing anything wrong. And also, you just never know, but the day may come when you are not here. Who will do for them then? Sometimes we do more harm than good.
Why do some people feel they need to take care of everybody they love, even those who can fend for themselves? What do we show these people, especially teenagers and young adults, if we always pick up their pieces? God knows there are situations in which the pieces will be so broken, you'd do better throwing them out. Sometimes it's a better way to love if you let someone learn the lesson they were meant to and face consequences of their actions. But sometimes we are just bred that way I think--we are reared to be the servicer, the fixer, the one who will always take you out of a jam. And without getting spiritual, the one who will save you. The only problem is that when it comes time to save ourselves, we have no darn life left.